Friday, April 20, 2007

TGIF

Is it really Friday? I think it is. Somebody pinch me cause I can't believe it really is.
I get to leave early from work today!! Yay!! I'm in a wedding this weekend on the other side of the state and the rehersal is at 6pm, so I'm leaving work early, going home and packing, and on my way. AND I get to stay with my life long girlfriend Amanda tonight too!! So I am excited. I'm a little (okay, a lot) stressed out with the amount of money/time it takes for a woman to be a bridesmaid because this is the busiest I've ever been in my life, but the bride is COMPLETELY worth every minute and every pretty penny. And when that reception rolls around, I will be a dancin' machine and just let loose.
I feel like this is my diary entry today. So I will keep going. Caution-lots of venting to come!
My stress level at work (and everywhere else too!) has been monstrous lately. All the extra activities, all the end of the year testing and pre-preparation for next year, conferences, our charity auction (guess who put it together?), fund-raisers, our last 2 field trips (guess who plans most of them?), oh yeah, and then there's the teaching part. I forgot to mention the phone calls from parents asking questions about activities that were explained MULTIPLE times on notes sent home to AVOID the confusions and questions, and also all the complaints about not having enough homework for their kids, having too much homework for their kids, not understanding their kids' homework (hello-every single child in my class takes home homework that is appropriate for them)....the list goes on. I'm sure I'm not a perfect teacher, but I'm human, and I need a freaking break! On Tuesday, as I was dismissing my students, I felt shakey. Not the kind of shakiness where you need to eat or lay down, the kind that builds and builds and builds and is powered by endless amounts of obligations, responsibilities, and stress. I swear I'm being pulled in every direction and there are so many people depending on so much from me that at that shakey moment I was starting to have some kind of attack. So I went back to my classroom and sat back in my desk chair and spun around toward the window and just stared out for a while. I drank some diet Coke, maybe not the best choice, but it was what I had and I love it, and ate some crackers, and thought about nothing. And then I stopped shaking. So I think I warded it off, whatever the attach was, but I am pretty sure it was anxiety or stess. Or both. Since Tuesday I felt that a couple more times, and each time I stopped and chilled out, but nothing is resolved. All the committments I've made can't be broken, they just can't. So I'm trying to just do what i have to do to get by, which is hard because like so many other teachers, I'm a perfectionist with everything. If there's one thing that buying a house in the midst of the busiest time in my life/career/year has taught me, it's that WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT PERFECTION??? Really? Who cares? When I die, is anyone going to remember how perfect anything was?? HELL NO. So this is the self talk I've been engaging myself in all week. And it's working a little bit. After this weekend and next weekend, I think I will be so relieved. That's the goal, and it's what I keep focusing on. Well, I vented enough for now. I hope to have lots of fun crazy wedding stories for you when I get back.

4 comments:

Lori said...

I feel you! I'm actually taking a "mental health" day off today! lol! This is the busy, crazy time of year for teachers - the beginning and end of the school years can be overwhelming!! Just try to let it go the best you can and focus on one task at a time. AND have fun this weekend and don't think about anything else!!

Lindsay said...

OH HONEY!
Take a deep breathe, drive to the airport and come visit me in TX so we can go to a spa and relax!
Teachers are really the most important teachers to mold the future (parents too of course) I can imagine it is tough work! Girl, you are amazing! You need to have a fun weekend, hopefully the reception will get your mind off of all this stuff!
LOVE YOU!

Tasha said...

remeber what you told me the other day..JUST BREATHE. Everything will work out okay. Have fin at the wedding and I will miss you...hurry back soon.

Tee said...

Oh girl, you need to relax. Keep your focus on June and the end of the school year...almost there! You're probably right about the stress causing your "attack", but you need to promise to see a doctor if you have any more spells like that, okay???!! I can't lose my blogging twin! :)