First Autumn Walk

It's been a rough few days to say the least. I dreaded going back to work every day that it drew closer, but I never imagined how hard it would be when it really happened. I'll spare you the teary details, but I'll just say that it's not fair. And yes, I know life isn't fair. But I can still feel this way. And that's that.

Yesterday was a GORGEOUS autumn day in Michigan, the kind that makes you think about the furnace but you're not quite ready for it. A nice fleece blanket will make it all better. The sun was shining, the air was chilly but smelled so good, like fall!! Ooooh! My favorite time of year. I bundled up the baby and we went for a 2 mile stroll. It was awesome, and here he is all warm and toasty in his stroller as I walked.

The Other Side

I'm going back to work on Monday. Not prepared mentally or physically (LONG days with 1st/2nd graders!!!) to work again not to mention facing the fact of not being with Carson all day. But the fact that I have to face is that I AM going to work and that's just all there is to it. So, who is going to be with my baby?? Grandma O, Grandma L, and we hired a nanny. She will be here 2 days a week for 6 hours.


I used to BE the nanny. When I was in high school I babysat for extra money and in college I did too. Then after I graduated I was a substitute teacher and a nanny for a while. I loved it. The baby I took care of was Carson's age right now, and it was the perfect job for me. Well now I'm on the other side of things, I'm HIRING the nanny. It's such a strange feeling, telling someone how to prepare bottles (she actually already knows because she is extremely experienced with kids/babies) but I told her anyway because it made me feel better! I'm super grateful that my mom and my MIL are also going to be watching Carson on other days when I'm at work and Kenny is downstairs in his office working. That's another thing that I'm thankful for...the fact that Kenny is going to be working at home while our moms and the nanny are here....We really have so much to be thankful for here, and I don't mean to sound whiney or bratty about going back to work. I don't mind working, I would just rather do it from home like my hubby or get to see my baby throughout the day. I would GLADLY trade places with Kenny if I could.

The whole time our nanny was here today listening to me ramble on and on about Carson's day and what his needs are, I know what she was thinking...she was silently rolling her eyes and not really listening to me, just pretending to. She already knows how to take care of babies (as I did at her age) and she could probably figure out where the extra diapers were (as I could have when I was a nanny) and so on. But now, I know why the mom I used to work for spent so much time telling me where things were and explaining baby-related things to me: because she didn't want to leave her baby and go to work and it was her way of keeping one foot in the door when she wasn't there with her baby. It's like this...if I give her instructions, then things will probably get done the way I do them with Carson (and if they don't, no bog deal, but at least let me think they are so I don't feel left out of his happenings every day) and I'll still feel like I'm part of his life when I'm not there.

I know that I'm his momma and that no one can take that away from me. I know that I'm one of millions of moms that has to work outside the house. All this I know. It doesn't change the fact that come Monday morning, when I kiss his cheeks goodbye as he sleeps in his crib, it might just be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And there is nothing in any baby book that prepares me for being on the other side.

11 Weeks

We've been busy. I have probably said it before, but I think I have tendencies to be more busy when I'm not going to work every day versus when I am working. And speaking of work, I go back in a week. Not happy about it. Not sleeping over it. Just not taking it well in general, and that's all I say about it.

Carson is 11 weeks old today! Happy 11 weeks baby! What a joy these 11 weeks have been. Crazy to think how something so little brings so much happiness to your life. Not that we had a shortage before he was born, but he just makes everything that much sweeter.

I spent about 8 hours away from Carson on Saturday working with Kenny and that was the longest I've been away from him. It was hard to concentrate at times, and the 50 minute drive how was excruciating. Then I scooped him from my mom's arms and just loved on him. Working is going to suck:(

Kenny has been super busy with work lately, which is good because it will be an awesome winter because of it! Can you believe I started Christmas shopping? Nutty, eh? I guess it's not so crazy, it's almost October. Kenny and I said we wouldn't buy Carson toys for birthdays and Christmas because we're sure people will be buying those items all the time for him. So far, that's worked. I've bought tons of books, but no toys. Until last week. I was grocery shopping at wallyworld and just happened to "accidentally" stumble upon the Christmas toyland they have going there already. Ooops. I bought some bath toys and a leapfrog brand toy that teaches letter sounds. It's not "really" a toy because there's learning involved. Would you expect less than that from a teacher? Heh. I'll get him books too. And yes, I know he won't know what Christmas is and that he wouldn't even be able to open presents (probably, not really sure though!) so it's a waste, but these are things I would buy for him anyway, I'll just wrap them up and put them under the tree. I'm sure all you moms out there did the same thing on your baby's first Christmas!

Our dog has taken to the baby so well! She loves him, looks for him in the house, and then usually snipes a lick on his face before I can intercept her tongue. That's the only thing that I don't like about her with the baby, the licking! Ew! But guess if Carson doesn't cry, it's okay. I usually take a baby wipe to his face when the dog licks her, but in all honesty, those germs are just going to be there, so oh well. The dog is permanent fixture in this family! She's our "first" baby! I feel like I haven't given her enough attention on the blog lately, so here's some cute pics of her on the boat a couple weekends ago, with her favorite uncle, Al.

I'm off to pick up some things for my grandma, take a walk with the neighbor and our babies in strollers, and then tonight a family dinner to see my cousin who is here visiting. Fun! Have a great week! Here are a few more boat pics.....

S L E E P

I'm getting it. A lot of it. Not bragging, just saying, I'm sleeping over 8 hours a night. I don't know how long this phase will last but I'm not questioning it, just enjoying! Carson started sleeping through the night almost 2 weeks ago. I moved him from the bassinett to the crib and he stopped waking up for a nighttime bottle. Just like that. So he usually falls asleep between 730 and 9pm every night, and wakes up between 7 and 8am. I'm SO loving that!! He's 10 weeks old today (not even a newborn anymore.....OMG!!!) and I have no idea if sleeping through the night is normal for that age or not, but it's happening and I love it! When I start back to work, I hope the phase isn't really a phase, that it's the real thing. I'm assuming my sleep bubble will burst here at some point, but it's nice while it lasts!

Shots & Planners

We survived the two month shots! Carson is in the 70th percentile for height and weight, and he weighs 12 pounds and is 23 1/2 inches long. The pediatrician says he's the strongest baby she's ever seen and is very impressed that he's holding his head up and so active already. Yay! Here he is napping in the boppy, sleeping FINALLY after crying and crying until his tears ran dry after the shots....I gave him a little baby tylenol and it seemed to make him feel better. See his battle wounds?? The yellow bandaids....

I bought a planner today. A PLANNER. I have never really needed one, but seeing as though I am going back to work at the end of the month and Kenny is SUPER busy every single day and even on the weekends, plus appointments and everything else, I broke down and bought a planner. I work with Kenny on the weekends (along with my BFF) so keeping everything straight in my head hasn't been working lately. I forget so much. And Kenny took over my calendar....that's why I forgot to give the dog her heart worm pill....bad mommy! I just can't remember everything!

Here are a couple shots I took recently. I was playing around with the windows vista editing tools and here's what I came up with!

Bye Bye Summer

Summer is always over for teachers when we go back to work a week or so before the students. In my case this year, I'm not going back to work until the end of the month (maternity leave) so summer should technically still be happening for me. Even though I'm still home, it's over. Gone. Done. When we came back from the lake house last night, I felt it. I'm sad because it was a great summer, not in the "went on lots of vacations and relaxed" sense, but the fact that we had Carson and all this time with him has made it one of the best summers ever. He is just the best gift we could have ever received from God! Anyway, I'm thankful for the summer but sad that it's over. I'm sadly counting down the days until I'll have to go back to work. But I'm sure every working momma goes through that. If only it weren't needing that health insurance...but it's the way it has to be!

Carson is 2 months old! Here he is in all his baby glory. Just so cute!

We had our garage sale on Friday and Saturday and moved a TON of Kenny's stuff out. I mean A TON. I'm so proud of him for deciding to get rid of stuff. Even though I hate clutter and don't keep many things that I don't need, I NEVER harp on him or complain about his "stuff." It comes with the territory if you know what I mean and I knew what I was getting into when we bought our house. I had years to adjust to it before we got married, therefore, I never complain about his stuff, I just move it around or try to work around it when I need to. It's part of his job and that's just the way it is. One day, in the future, when we find our dream house, he will have a separate pole barn or garage or just an "out" building to call his own, and that will house all his stuff. But for now, I am just very proud of his attempt and uncluttering and throwing out. He feels like he didn't move much stuff out, but looking at it from my point of view with no attatchment to the stuff, he did an OUTSTANDING job! There is room to breath in the garage now! He kept saying that we needed to make room for the baby's toys for next summer, music to my ears! I am enjoying every single minute of this baby's babiness, but I am also excited thinking about Carson running around the backyard and playing next year. Oh the goosebumps! Love it! Back to the garage sale.....we made a good $750 and we're putting that towards a new digital camcorder. We have been using our digital cameras to take videos of Carson so far, and they have worked just fine, but we're on to bigger and better things now! If any of you have a digital camcorder or any advice about which ones to get or not get, pass it on!

Happy "Back to School" to any of you who are now back to teaching or learning this week!

Getting ready for a garage sale

SCARY is how my backyard is to be described right now. Kenny decided to "clean out the garage" on Sunday and he's still not done. Funny thing is, he started Sunday midday (I was against this from the start because he RARELY FINISHES ANYTHING) and when he "took a break" Sunday evening, he never finished. And yes, most of the crap in the backyard and driveway is going to be in the garage sale we're having this weekend, and if it doesn't sell, it's going to the curb, but I have had to look at this INSANE mess all week and it's anxiety causing, let me tell you. Our sale is starting Friday and I can't wait to get it all set up tomorrow and have it GONE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Keep your fingers crossed for me that Kenny will really allow things to be thrown out afterwards. I need this!

Today is day 4 on Phase 2 of Southbeach. I skipped Phase 1. It's just too hard to go from normal eating to Phase 1. So I am on Phase 2 which is basically carb free except for some crackers and fruit, which are good carbs. I need to jump start this weight loss or I'll get frustrated!!! I've also been walking with my neighbor who had a c-section 7 weeks before I did. She also had a boy, so we stroll with our babes feel the burn! I think we're up to over 2 miles, and it feels so great to be back to exercising. Today I went to the gym and did a modified version of my old routine. Treadmill for 30 minutes (used to be about 45) and several weight training machines, a couple on upper body and a couple on lower. I didn't do many reps on each, and I won't until I work up my endurance again. Although when I jogged today I lasted more than I thought possible. The true test will be how I feel tonight and in the morning. I decided to blog about getting back into shape and use it as motivation to keep going....if I don't write about it for a while, ask me about it so I have to answer to someone! I WANT and NEED to be held accountable. I lost 30 pounds doing Southbeach in 2006 and I've kept it off with exercise, and my goal is to lose another 30 pounds once I'm back to pre-baby weight. So that's the deal on eating/working out, I can't believe I wrote so much about it, now I HAVE to make it happen else!!

For two days now Carson has taken a nap in the morning, a longer nap in the afternoon, and fell asleep at 830pm on his own. He has always taken naps, but yesterday and today they were the same times each day, and that has never happened! So maybe he's starting to put himself on a schedule? He's 8 weeks old, and I've heard that by three months lots of babies are on some kind of self-made schedule. Maybe this is the beginning of that???

Some unrelated pictures....


About to cry in the bumbo......



Enjoying a bath!

Hangin' in the bumbo NOT crying....he looks sad but he really was happy, I promise!