Lovin' Mommahood

I am so lovin' this motherhood gig. Seriously, I can't think of anything other than marrying my hubs and spending my life with him better than being Carson's momma. Tasha once told me while I was prego that the worries you have while carrying the baby in your tummy don't even compare to the worries that you have as soon as the belly becomes a baby. And she is right. There are constant worries, however, I look at his happy chubby cheeks and know that if he's not crying, he must be happy. I must be doing things right so far....we still have a long way to go and lots to learn, but right now, he's happy and we just love him to pieces. What an incredible gift he is! I know any minute he's going to wake up and cry for a bottle, and I will get the pleasure of snuggling with him in the rocking chair that Kenny bought us and feed him, listening to his sweet squeaks and teeny noises while he eats, and then rocking him back to sleep. I look forward to that, even if I'm not done posting on my blog or doing whatever it is that I do when he sleeps. Even if I'm sleeping, I love feeding him and cuddling him and rocking him. I know that he won't be small for long, and I'm taking every opportunity to drink in his newborn babiness because it won't last forever.

Carson went shopping today and out to lunch...a busy day for a 3 1/2 week old baby, but I am a momma on the move! The shopping was just to JoAnn Fabrics to get some fabric for a baby ring sling. My aunt is making us one! I can't wait to use it! I helped Kenny work in his office today and I put Carson in the baby wearing contraption that I bought at Target and he LOVED it. I tried it out when he was a week old but he was still too little, but now it works perfectly! I see why so many mommas love to baby wear!

I promise to come and visit and COMMENT blogs more often, just had to get adjusted to this new lifestyle, but I'm feeling like normal Lindsey again, so I will be dropping by more often!

More new pics to come tomorrow!

TGIF!

A Post Where I Don't Talk About The Baby

We have had a special treatment done to our dog BB twice now. It's called the Furminator, and it's a special sharp comb/brush thing that she is brushed with at the dog grooming place. It pulls out oodles and oodles of hair, more than any average brush or comb could. It's amazing! At least the first time it was. The second time we had it done in April, it didn't work as well. I'm not sure if it was the timing with her shedding or what, but I wasn't happy with the results. So the other day I was talking to a neighbor who had their lab at Petsmart and got the same treatment, but it was much more expensive than the dog grooming place we took BB to. I went into Petsmart and talked to the groomers there about it, and ended up buying the actual Furminator comb. It comes in 3 sizes, I got the medium size for $33, and yesterday I tried it out. The picture on the package shows a dog laying on the floor surrounded by its hair after being combed, and I'm telling you THAT REALLY HAPPENS!! Our entire front yard was coated with BB's hair. I combed her for about 30 minutes and she looks about 10 pounds thinner! I can't even believe how much hair this thing pulls off her! If you have a shedding dog, this is the best thing ever! After I was done combing her, she got a bath (in Kenny's shower of course, NOT mine!) and looks like a new dog, and smells like one too! It's been way to long that BB hasn't been cleaned, plus a few lake days in there made for one smelly dog!! Here's the website, check it out! I'm not selling this or anything, just a big fan!

20 Days and Counting!

(Yes, the onezie says "Dad Won Me On Ebay"....we couldn't resist!!)

I have started an entry SEVERAL times in the last week but a certain little someone (itty bitty little guy who demands food every couple of hours) has seen to it that I do not get computer time in! But he's so worth it. Anyway, I can't believe he'll be 3 weeks old already tomorrow. I feel like I was just wheeled in for that c-section. Ugh.

Anyway, he's still doing wonderfully! He's up every 2-3 hours at night for food and usually goes right back to sleep. He's still sleeping tons during the day but today he was awake and playing for more hours than normal. I'm hoping that means more sleeping hours at night? I'm not counting on it but here's to hoping.

Kenny has been graciously giving me outs every day on my own, and I don't go far, just to Starbucks or Michaels or somewhere to get away for a half hour. Believe me, it's making a WORLD of difference in how I'm handling this new life. I battled depression years ago over a certain incident and they say if you have ever dealt with depression in your life, when you have a baby you are much more prone to post partum depression, more than just the normal baby blues. So Kenny and I have been on the same program to keep me from having that, and I must say we are doing a great job! He has never once mentioned needing a break from either me or Carson, but tonight I have him one and made him go play golf for a little while. When he was pulling out of the driveway I had Carson in his stroller and the dog on her leash and we were just beginning a walk. Kenny drove along side of us for a block and yelled through the window of the truck that everything important in his life was right there on that sidewalk....what a guy! Don't worry, he's not always that sappy, but it's cute when he is!

This week Carson recognized many things....my face, Kenny's voice and I think his face too, he's been smiling a little, not sure if it's gas or what, but I'll take those toothless grins anytime! He's cooing and making lots of movements with his arms and legs and loves to flail around when he's laying on the floor or in his swing. He's an active little dude as he was in my tummy!

I could go on and on about the cuteness, but I'll leave you with pictures....that's all anyone really wants to see anyway, right??

Kisses from Dad

Kisses from Mom

Love from Grandma O

Sounds in my house

I woke up from a nap yesterday to discover Kenny working with Carson in his carseat next to him. It was adorable! Carson is usually awake for a little while each morning and quite active and alert (he was very overdue!!) and this is the show we get every day. Then he goes right back to napping, so far, his favorite pasttime. I love watching his teeny arms and hands wave around. When I look over in the bassinet at night, if I catch him just before he cries to be fed, I'll see an arm or two waving around. What an amazingly sweet picture!

This was this morning, while Kenny was out and about working, Carson and I chilled out on the couch (I was on the couch, not him). He is so content in that bouncy seat and looks all around. It's crazy to think that everything he sees is new to him.

Last night Kenny and I went on a date. My inlaws watched Carson for a couple hours. We went to applebees for dinner and it was so much fun, of course we talked about the baby the whole time, but also how our lives have changed and how we are so happy to be parents and loving this little guy. And get this....I missed Carson a lot, and I asked Kenny if he did, and he said not that much, but guess who called his mom to check on the baby during dinner?? Yup, you guessed right, it wasn't me!

More pics to drool over....

He has discovered his fingers already!!

New Mommyville 101

Am I ever learning! And crying! And laughing! And loving! And thankful every single day for this new little person in our lives. I am exhausted, but not because I don't have the opportunity to sleep, I have it, right after Carson eats he goes back to sleep at night, but I can't sleep. I'm so tired and I lay in bed and only half sleep. Not the restful kind, the worrisome kind that makes me constantly check on the baby. Then I nestle back into the crook of Kenny's arm and pray to sleep, and it just doesn't happen. Speaking of the crook of Kenny's arm, I haven't been in it for almost 9 months because I was pregnant and had to sleep with a body pillow, which eliminated any change of making it into that crook. But I'm back. And loving it!

I've had some funny funny moments lately. Yesterday I spent the day with Kenny (and I had the baby with me of course). I needed to be out of the house (going STIR CRAZY) working....I basically just put the baby in the stroller and was with him, sitting most of the time while people cooed over how cute the baby is. Then we went out to lunch with one of his coworkers, then to the baby's check-up, and then to Costco. This is when I lost it. I was feeding Carson his bottle in the back of the truck while Kenny went to get a cart. When he came back, Carson had projectile vomitted all over me and I was balling. He momentarily cried, but I wailed. Kenny thought something was wrong with the baby, but it was me that needed comforting. I lost it for a couple of minutes. I just needed a break for a minute. So after Costco, Kenny insisted that I go to the bookstore and get a coffee and read People cover to cover. And I did. I cried the whole way there and after 50 minutes, I felt guilty for being away from my boys and made a mad dash home and cried when I got home because I missed them so much. Then I felt like normal again. FINALLY. Kenny and I got a little bit of alone time then, which I'm really missing right now, and things were better. Whew! I'm starting to get the hang of this! Go to flickr on the sidebar for some new pictures. He is adorable!!

Labor Story

I'm still in the hospital, we are getting discharged tomorrow. And I'm so ready to go home. I haven't been in my own house since we got home from the fireworks on the 4th, slept for 2 hours, and my water broke. Which reminds me to tell you the labor story. My water broke at 330am on Sunday morning. I called the doctor, she said since I was dialated at a 1 a few days prior, take my time, shower, eat breakfast, and then come in. We were there in an hour and we truly did take our time. I had contractions right away, they hurt a lot, but I was breathing through them and focusing and I knew I was going to have this baby the natural way, no epidural! By the time we got through triage and into our labor and delivery room, the contractions were 2 mintues apart and had me almost on my knees in tears and screaming with pain. That was about 630am. So I asked for an epidural, and I got one within the hour. That meant that I had to labor in bed though, no hottub or showers. I was bummed, but at the same time RELIEVED that the worst pain I had ever felt in my life wasn't happening. So I labored through the "easy" contractions and as the day progressed, I labored through the painful ones, ones that felt nearly as bad as the contractions I had before the epidural. I was continously dialating, but very slowly. By 2pm, my OB mentioned the word c-section and I very promptly told her that wasn't an option, that I was going to vaginally deliver this baby, I could be patient and take the contractions as they came, I was prepared to be in labor for as long as it took. By 10pm, after major pain even with the epidural, I was dialated between an 8 and 9 and I was feeling the pressure "in your bottom" that I had been told was the pressure that meant pushing was close! The nurse told me it would be about an hour before I could start pushing. I knew I could hang in there, especially with the end in sight! I got that extra burst of energy despite being completely exhausted and I felt like I was rejuvinated with the nurse's comments of pushing soon. Then the doctor came in and changed all my positive thinking. I admit that I was super tired and worn, I admit that I was in pain even with the epi, but I was not going to give up or give in, and when the doctor said I had been in labor too long and that she strongly recommends a c-section, I completely lost it. I have never been so upset in my whole life, and even thinking about it now, I get upset all over again. She said it was my choice, but I truly felt like I didn't have one. I swore up and down and screamed that I hadn't gone almost 2 weeks past my due date and labored for 20 hours to get this close and then be told that a c-section was needed. The baby was not in distress and neither was I. Both of us were continually monitored on the screens all day, so they knew we were both fine. I threw a fit and was left alone with my mom and Kenny to cry it out. Kenny was sick of seeing me in pain and wanted me to have the c-section, he couldn't take it anymore and wanted it to be over. I was crushed. I didn't want to have a major surgery, especially in that situation, and that's what I got. I have never cried harder in my life as they prepped me for surgery. I was shaking and couldn't stop the weeping. I was resentful towards the doctor and scared shitless of being sliced open after having seen c-sections and hearing my friends talk about the healing process and how painful it was. I have to honestly say that that was the lowest feeling I have ever experienced in my life during those moments. Kenny kept reminding me that we would have our baby in a few minutes and it would all be over, all the stresses of being overdue on my body would be gone, the pain of labor and contractions would be gone. I knew that was true, but I was still not thinking clearly......pain killers and major surgery will do that to you! So I kissed my mom and they wheeled my balling body into the OR, a place I NEVER want to see again. I cried through the whole surgery, even with Kenny right there by my side. Then came the baby, what the goal was all day, to have our son in our arms. I heard his teeny little cry before they lifted him out of my stomach at 12:35am. Then all of a sudden the doctor was holding his little body up so we could see the first glimpse of our baby, at last. Kenny was in shock and awe, he was SO HAPPY. I was happy that the baby was out, but still focused on the fact that I was cut open and 45 minutes from being put back together. Kenny took pictures of the baby and I cried, from happiness of the baby, exhaustion, anxiety, and still anger of the surgery. I remember every single second of the c-section, even when I try not to remember. In recovery I saw Kenny and my mom and the baby, who was wide awake, in his bassinet next to me. I just kept looking at him and crying and I was still shaking from the drugs from surgery. I got to feed Carson right away, which felt strange and wonderful all at the same time. It hadn't set in yet that he was really our baby. After a long time in recovery, my mom went home and it was just Kenny and I. I remember getting sick a few times, and then they wheeled us to the mother/baby unit. We had barely slept in 2 days, plus I wasn't able to breastfeed yet, so the baby went to the nursery and I think we fell asleep from exhaustion around 6am Monday morning. I woke up first around 8am, still groggy and very swollen and just feeling wierd. Kenny woke up a little while later and I have never seen him so happy. He started talking about what an awesome experience it was to see Carson for the first time and how he never could have imagined how it would feel, but it was the best feeling in the world. It was amazing to hear him babble on about watching his son being born, and then he told me how worried and scared he was watching me in labor and surgery, and how proud he was of me for going through it all and how THANKFUL he was that I did it for our baby. What a moment that was. And then he told me that before our parents arrived he wanted to get me into a wheel chair and outside into the sunshine because I needed to get out of the hospital setting for a moment, which of course he was right! So he took me (after the nurses put me in the chair and got me the IV pole and all that stuff) and we went outside to the courtyard in the sun. I will never forget that as long as I live. We just kept saying over and over again how awesome it was that Carson was here and even though he didn't get here the way we had hoped, it didn't matter because he was healthy and I was too. It was one of those moments in life that make you forget about all the bad stuff and really just take it all in. Then our parents started to arrive to meet the baby (my mom had already met him when he was born) and I got some more doses of pain killers so I was blurry the rest of the day. Kenny stayed in the hospital with me until yesterday and he went home to get the house ready and grocery shop and get some work done before we come home Thursday. Carson is perfect. He is cute and sweet and smells good and I absolutly get it when people say you fall in love instantly. You really do! I still have lots of bad feelings about having the c-section, and even though it was probably the right decision, it was not an easy moment to get through and thinking about it, I get upset all over again. But it brought Carson into this world safely and he wasn't in distress and just needed to get here, so it was the right thing to do, and for that, I would do it all over again! My mom emailed me my baby picture.....now compare it to Carson's baby picture....see any resemblance??? Look at the chins!

Here's the Baby

Carson Riley Alan

Born 7/6/09

8 lbs 1 oz

20 inches

iiiiiiiin labor

My water broke at330am this morning! I took a shower and Kenny put our stuff in the truck and we were off, VERY excited and thankful that this was going to be over and we would have our baby soon! It's now 1030pm, I've been in labor for almost 20 hours. It has been a long day to say the least, and we dialated to an 8. This baby is so stubborn but I'm just not giving up on vaginal delivery. I WILL push this baby out!

Kenny and myparents and his have been here to support me through this. Hopefully there will be baby news!

41 Weeks and Holding

I never thought I would make it this far. But I have. Doctor's appointment today to check fluids and more gel. Yipeee!